Last month marks the first year since surgery and two years since I started the “journey”. Funny everyone calls this a journey but I really don’t see the analogy anymore. I mean when you take a journey you know where your going and how your going to get there, but what I’ve gone through these past two years has been nothing like where I thought I would be nor how I thought I would get to my final destination. And maybe that’s not that bad of a thing. I guess what I’m saying is these past two years have taken me to so many different places, so many twist and turns in the road and a couple of bumps along the way. But here lately, the road has become smoother and the turns a little less winding. I guess that’s one reason my posts to this blog are becoming more stretched out. There’s not a whole lot of things that are out of the ordinary, that I think people would be interested in. I have a few more topics I’ve thought about that I will share in the next coming weeks, but for now…normality is so much appreciated these days. It’s kinda weird in just two years I went from wondering how I would make it through everything and now, well now, I get up in the morning and my day is like most any other persons. You know, figure out what to wear, change my mind a couple of times. Then change, try to figure out what to accessorize with, makeup and out the door. But the great news is, I’ve got this down to like 30 minutes or so. Ha, the make up alone use to take me 30 minutes to figure out. But about as normal as I have ever imagined before.
In looking back, I also have to acknowledge everything that I have lost and those that I hurt along the way. I wish I could say that this list was short, but unfortunately it is not. I do regret not being able to figure myself out so much earlier in life, maybe saving some a lot of anguish. Worst of all the list is not complete, others will be added and I wish there was a way to avoid that.
In contrast I also recognize a lot of things I have gained. Some great friends, a new perspective about life, I’ve learned to cherish the differences that people have, I’ve learned how hard many other people have it compared to me, but most of all I’ve gained the ability to look forward to tomorrow and all the mystery and challenges that will come. I know I am a strong woman and I can handle much more than I ever realized. The most important thing I have gained is the ability to look in the mirror and see myself, I mean really see me. My mind and my body now make sense and both are on the same page.
As to my future, well, who knows how that will wind up. I want to finish my MBA, I want to relocate somewhere on the east coast, I want to find my perfect job and with a bit of luck and I want to find someone to spend the rest of my life with. Someone to fall in love with, grow old with, someone who will care about me and all my quirkiness!! Most of all, I’d like to find my happily ever after!! Hey, a girl can dream, can’t she??