The Last Challenge…I hope!!

Its been way to long folks and a lot has happened I guess since last I posted here.  Things go great for a while then a good helping of reality drags me back to remind me of everything.  So since we spoke last I’ve had a most excellent trip to jersey for my surgical follow up, all is going well, and had my first interview as Rikki!  All good things but then upon my return, reality catches up and so do divorce papers!  Yeah…what?   I’ve been expecting those bad boys for a while but as usual the worst possible time to get them, while I’m flat broke!!  Needless to say I have known a lot of people that have gone through divorce and not fared well, throw in my unusual past and my worst nightmares keep playing in my head.  So for the past month or so I have been working my second job to the max, back up to 102 plus hour work week to afford my lawyer.  Needless to say, having a life hasn’t been something I’ve had lately.  But I did get a bit of happiness in being able to spend a week end the past week with my daughter.  And to think of it, it’s the first time in almost a year I’ve been with my kids alone, there’s a bit of mistrust in the air I guess.

Anyway, I’ll get to that later.  But the main point to anyone reading this who finds divorce in their future, get a lawyer, some how, some way get one!  The worst thing to do is to go on the cheap and assume that everything can work out.  Maybe I’m being overly cynical, but when I get a document saying I haven’t been involved in raising my kids for the past 5 years, it’s time to get help!!  We’ll see if it helps me in the long run, but I need to make sure I can at least afford to live later on.  

So back to my weekend with my little girl!  We had two days together the first of which was spend going to a not do great zoo in Ohio.  But, even with that I had my daughter with me and my friends and a great day was had by all.  I’m making arrangement to set up a spare bedroom for her when she visits me, I suspect every other weekend.  The room wasn’t ready yet so I ended up sleeping in the floor in a sleeping bag, not the most comfortable night sleep, but it was at least something.  Our next day we spent doing a little shopping, playing video games and then, getting ready to take her home.  Every time I think about that I still start crying.  My daughter and I have always been really close and now I have to take her back to a home that I built and am still paying for, yet one I can’t be at with my kids!!!  It’s so unfair all of this Trans shit!  So many changes, do many people get hurt, especially if your unfortunate enough to deal with after marrying and kids.  And worst of all, you can’t help it, damned if you do nothing, damned if you do something.  And yes folks, if anyone’s reading this and makes the snide remark about “my choice to do this” I might have to reach through the Internet and slap you silly!!  

Oh well, I guess I can’t cry over spilled milk, although give me time I’ll probably be crying over that too!  Lol, yes, I’m still getting use to all the moods and how quickly they change.  I so hope one day soon I get that under control.  So fir now I’m still getting geared up for life on my own!  I’m still only half heartedly looking for my next job somewhere near where I grew up on the East Coast.  I’m a city girl and that’s where I really want to be!!  Soon I’ll get to the point where I can survive on only one job, really soon I hope, I’m burning out quickly on these 90 plus hour weeks!  And I guess most of all, I’m still trying to discover myself and who I really am, and folks, that ain’t no easy task.

Till next time folks, be safe, be true and hug a duck, they need it too!!

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