Things That Make Me Nervous


So after everything I’ve been through these past two years ahat in the world is there that would make me nervous??  And truthfully, starting ones life over from scratch, yeah there are tons of nervous moments that have come and gone and others that are yet to come.  

My latest moment that sorta could me off guard, well I have a job interview in a couple weeks.  You see, about three or four weeks ago I was having a moment, yep..I have some of those from time to time, and anyway I was just clicking around the Internet looking at jobs that were out there.  And one caught my eye!  It was a really nice job on the east coast and was like something that sounded so perfect for me!  The problem, it was a really high position in a really big institution, was I ready for that.  So after going over the reasons why I should and the reason I shouldn’t apply for it, I ended up putting an application in for it.  The only three reason that really gave me the most pause was:

  1. Relocating would mean I’d have to leave my kids and see them even less frequently.  Not something I was really wanting to do!!
  2. Taking a higher paying job would help me and my kids out financially, making everyone’s life easier.
  3. Moving to a completely new place, where no one knows me, would give me the chance to completely start over.  No past to cloud how everyone treats me, one way or the other.

Well, anyway, I applied for the position about three weeks ago.  I had forgotten about it, mainly cause I figured there would be so much competition for it, that I wouldn’t have much of a chance.  But my phone rang and the area code was from Maryland!!!  I felt completely flush all over…scared as hell!!  Answering the phone I was greeted by a really nice administrative assistant who asked me if I could do an interview.  Things got real at that moment, why??  After hanging up everything started running through my head!

  1. What the hell was I going to wear!!  
  2. Where was I going to buy what I wanted to wear!!
  3. Would I make a fool out of myself?  After all, the last interview I was on was literally like 10 years ago!
  4. Would anyone there figure out my past and not give me a chance?
  5. Could I really move away from my kids if I was lucky enough to get the job?
  6. I’d have to make all new friends and be completely alone starting over without a safety net….how hard is that going to be?
  7. And probably a thousand other ones that I’m forgetting about right now.

Now a couple of days have gone by and I’m starting to get things set up to leave on the 22nd.  Am I still nervous??  Frack YES!!  But I’ve got things in process.  I mean, I’m figuring if I don’t at least try, what kind of idiot am I??  And for those out there starting to list the kind of idiot I am, well shut up!  What have you done lately???

But anyay, I’ve got some clothes orders and on their way, I’ve got my travel plans worked out.  I’ve got my bed and breakfast reserved.  I’ve done a whole lot of research on this place so I know what it’s going to be like there.  And after thinking about is for a while now, I can so do this job in my sleep!!  I mean  this is really the opportunity of my lifetime!!  I just have to finish preparing myself and I guess let fate decide the outcome.  One way or another, I guess I’m going to move on up…to the east side…to a deluxe apartment in the sky!!  Lol, I don’t even know how I remember that TV show!!

So there you have it folks, this is the latest and greatest thing to make me nervous.  But, I’m going to get through this and if it happens, well then it was meant to be.  If it doesn’t, well, that just means the right change just has not presented itself to me yet.  Regardless, I guess I’ll update everyone that actually follows my blog..all three of you!  Lol, yeah I know there’s been like 4,000 of you all that actually want to read this stuff.  Hopefully I’ll have some good news to share later.  Until then, everyone try to stay dry…it’s raining like heck out here!!  Peace out!!

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